Yes… Valentine’s Day or Happy relationship day is here. Commercially, the day is very successful because merchants have traditionally used this “heart and flower” to sell lots of sugary red hearts and flowers. And growing up Catholic, I always felt a certain sadness when I heard that Saint Valentine was beaten for sending a letter signed “Your Friend” to a young Roman maiden, a practice still used in the world today.
Unfortunately, the real Saint Valentine was at least two different historical figures. One is a Catholic priest and the other is the Bishop of Terni. They were both said to have been beheaded by Claudius II around 270 AD. To commemorate the death and burial of Saint Valentine on February 14th. One of the many problems with this theory is that the Catholic Church canonized (ie made a saint) at least three different Roman-era Valentines. To blur the picture, we can’t be sure if the young Roman maiden was the daughter of a jailer, the daughter of a wealthy Roman whom Saint Valentine healed, or if the whole thing was just set up to spoil Valentine’s Day. probably created to “Christianize” the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia.
Now, Lupercalia was a really interesting Roman festival that dates back to the 6th century BC. and is associated with the twin founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus. Without going into details, Lupercalia derives its name from Lupercal, which was the name of the wolf den where the twins were raised by a she-wolf, believed to be at the foot of the Palatine Hill. How the boys got there is a beautiful story, beginning as Moses, with a basket left on the road, etc., and ending with the founding of Rome itself from this cave.
In addition to this noble lineage from early Roman times, Lupercalia is also named after the ancient Roman goddess of fertility, Lupercus. Since the Romans were wary of anything related to sexuality, nudity, debauchery and fertility, it is no wonder that the Church led by Pope Gelasius declared in the 5th century that the former Lupercalia (always celebrated in mid-February) would still exist . is known as Valentine’s Day and is celebrated on the 14th. So, that’s how we got here. What conceivable meaning does it have for us today?
Viewed in its full historical context, Valentine’s Day is much more than red heart-shaped sticky notes, more than flowers, and even more than “I love you.” It’s about relationships.
Valentine’s Day is built on the altar of relationships: the relationship between Romulus and Remus that led to the founding of Rome; the affair of the Roman Luperci priesthood, who sprinkled young maidens with the red blood of a sacrificed goat to increase their fertility and mark them as “available” to young bachelors (yes, that’s where the red comes from); The relationship of Cupid as the Greek symbol of Eros; the relationship of all three Valentines to their prisons and to a young lady was part of their story; relations between Roman emperors and Christian popes; the pagan festival of Lupercalia until the 14th of February, which we now celebrate; An account of the first recorded Valentine’s Day sent by the Duke of Orléans to his wife from the Tower of London in 1415; and more importantly, the relationships we all enjoy in the 21st century. Those who share our love and affection for the various “Valentines” in our lives fully understand the nature of human relationships.
Since Valentine’s Day is essentially an ancient story told through a series of complex relationships over time, we really have to ask ourselves how this relationship orientation can serve our evolving species in celebrating Valentine’s Day. So let’s look beyond one middle school student’s relationship with the other kids in the class who send and receive red slips of paper and heart-shaped candy drops with one-word messages. Let’s look at all the relationships we would wisely honor as adults.
We are all suddenly aware of the relationships we all have with the “essential workers” who kept our medical facilities running, groceries bagged and clothes in the dry cleaners. . , our houses are protected, our internet packages delivered and our mail uninterrupted during this terrible pandemic. For the first time, many of us viewed our relationship with these usually faceless workers as worthy of praise and recognition. As we expand this evaluation circle, many more relationships are created. We see our children’s relationship with their teachers in a whole new light, we see the relationship we all enjoy with “the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker” in a new light, we see the relationship we all have with our . electronic communications, and we see the relationship we all have with each other as citizens of a great republic that is fighting for survival only 245 years after its birth. of.
Valentine’s Day, on the other hand, has evolved over the past 2,600 years, revealing one twist after another. Viewed in this historical context, we gain a new appreciation for all the many relationships that build on each other, creating together the romantic holiday we celebrate today, and showing us that it is much more than romantic. This celebration of “relationships” allows us to celebrate connection in its most wonderful form.
Let’s celebrate all the relationships we take for granted every other day of the year. Let us continue to celebrate all those who stand every day in civil society and promise to keep them in our thoughts even when the sun goes down on February 14th. Better yet, on February 14th, let’s celebrate that we humans have the unique ability to create, nurture and embrace countless forms of relationships and make it a day to celebrate relationships.
Our human relationships are clearly one of the most defining aspects of human civilization. You could say that relationships define who we are as a species. How about we start celebrating Relationship Day every February 14th, reminding ourselves and each other how precious our relationships are – even if we sometimes forget to experience them.
In the words of the immortal poet John Dunne, “No man is an island, alone and perfect unto himself…” Thank God we are all together to celebrate the wedding day.
Breaking up a healthy relationship
Why do people break up?
There are many reasons why people break up. Growing up apart is one thing. You may find that your interests, thoughts, values and feelings are not as compatible as you thought. Changing the way you think or feel about another person is quite another. Maybe you just don’t enjoy being together. Maybe you argue or don’t want the same thing. You might have feelings for someone else. Or you decide you just don’t want a serious relationship right now.
Most people experience a breakup (or a few breakups) in their lifetime. If you’ve ever been through it, you know it can be painful—even when it seems like it’s for the best.
Why is a breakup hard?
When you think about a breakup, you may have mixed feelings. After all, you came together for a reason. It’s normal to ask, “Is the situation getting better?” “Should I give it another chance?” “Am I sorry?” Divorce is not an easy decision. You may have to think about it.
Even if you think it’s for the best, breaking up means having an awkward or difficult conversation. One that is likely to hurt the other person’s feelings.
Is it better to avoid it? Or get over it?
Some people try to avoid difficult conversations. Others just want to get over it. But none of them is the best way. Avoidance will only perpetuate the situation (and possibly hurt the other person more). And if you rush without thinking about it, you might say things you’ll regret.
Something in between works best. Think things through. Explain what you want. Then act with courage and kindness.
What is the best way to break up?
There is no one way to break up. Every situation is different. However, here are some tips to keep in mind.
• Be honest with yourself. Even if your decision hurts another person, you can do what’s right for you.
• Think about how the otherperson might react. Do you think they might cry? Are you losing your temper? Asking you to change your mind? How do you (calmly) deal with their reaction?
• Be gentle and honest, but not brutal. Tell me why you want to leave. But “fair” does not mean “tough”. Don’t isolate a person’s “mistakes” to explain what isn’t working. Tell them a few things you like about them. Be honest and kind.
• Say it personally. Breaking up via text or social media can seem easy. But think how you would feel if someone did that to you.
• Trust someone you trust. If it helps, you can discuss things with a trusted friend. But choose a friend who can keep it private. Make sure the person you’re breaking up with hears it from you first, not someone else.
After the breakup
After the breakup, avoid gossiping or talking down your ex. You wouldn’t want them to do that to you.
Some people find a way to stay friends after a breakup. But not everyone wants to. For some people, seeing your ex can be painful – especially when you see them with someone new. Getting over hurt feelings or rejection takes time.
Breakups are hard and painful. But if you do it in a kind and respectful way, it’s best in the long run.
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